Becoming
by iwontfakeit
Summary: Ca/S - Carter left Serena to take responsibility for his actions, but he may have to come back to face a new reality that none of them had expected. Will they be able to face the consequences and the many obstacles thrown in their path? Serena/Carter
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This takes place after Carter left. It's mainly a Carter/Serena story, but there will be appearances by other characters**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl.**

**BECOMING**

**I - Prologue**

When she came through the door, she wasn't quite sure how she had managed to arrive there. Pieces of the conversation were echoing in her head again and again. She knew it, but to have it confirmed only added to the mixture of shock, disbelief and fear that she had been feeling in the last days. She stopped at the door, half of her wanting to go back there and end it; the other half wanting to pick up the phone and make the call.

As it happened, she didn't choose any. Instead she headed to the bathroom. After preparing the water for a soothing bath, Serena disrobed and gazed at her reflection in the floor-length mirror. She lifted her hand to touch the glass of the mirror with her fingers as they traced the outline of her face. She couldn't notice any change. She touched her hair absently and let out a long, ragged sigh. She needed to think straight and ponder her options. The cinnamon-scented candles on the sill at the edge of the tub were lit and all the lights except for the one over the mirror were turned off. Then she climbed into bubbles up to her chin, letting the warm water sooth away her concerns and fears. She dropped her head back against the tub, closed her eyes but again she was transported to a memory that she had unsuccessfully been trying to erase.

It had been little more than two months since she watched him go without looking back. She thought she would be all right; she had a string of failed relationships behind her after all. This would just be another one. She took comfort remembering how many times they had laughed, fought, cried and had always come back together with the strong force of two poles of a magnet. She had hoped this time wouldn't be any different, but the phone call never came.

Ironically it was the sound of her cell phone ringing that cut through her thoughts. Serena stood up, plucking a towel from the towel rack and wrapped it around her body. When she reached over for her cell, it went silent. A missed call from her mother; she would call her later. Instinct, longing, need, she wouldn't analyze it, made her scroll through her contact list and for a moment she stopped at the name on the screen.

With her heart heavy, she dialled the number she had wanted so badly to see on her screen. It was close to the fourth ring before a grumpy voice answered on the other side.

"Hello."

"Hi, it's me. Please, don't hang up; I need to talk to you." She cut straight to the point; she couldn't let herself drag into pointless chat or give him enough time to think.

To say Carter was shocked to hear Serena's voice on the other end of the phone would be the understatement of the year. He hadn't answered any of her calls after their last encounter. Why didn't he look at the screen before answering it? It looked like she had given up after a while, so could something have happened? He felt bad for the way he had left New York, but it was for the best. He sat up in bed and turned on his bedside lamp. Its brightness blinded him. It was daytime, but he had been working up until a few hours ago.

"Serena… is everything all right?" concern could be heard in his voice.

"Yes, I'm sorry to bother you, but I really need to talk to you." There's a pause before Carter speaks.

"I don't know what we have to talk about now; I thought I was clear in my reasons of why I had to leave…" his voice sounded a bit harsher than he had intended now that she said nothing had happened, but it would be better that way.

"It has nothing to do with that", Serena interrupted him. "There's something I need to talk to you about. Can you come to New York?"

"I can't leave just like that. I have no plans to fly to New York any time soon."

"But I really need to see you Carter. I need to talk to you."

"We're talking, Serena. Why don't you say what you have to say?" Carter sighed on the other side of the line.

"Look Carter, I wouldn't be calling you if it wasn't important. What I have to tell you is something that can't be said on the phone." Serena was beginning to regret calling him. He obviously didn't want anything to do with her.

"Listen Serena, I really can't in such short notice, let me see what I can do, or why don't you come here then? I can make the arrangements for you. You just have to tell me when you want to come."

"I will. I'll call you to tell you my flight. Bye Carter."

"Bye Serena."

***

Carter was waiting at the airport, ready to pick up Serena. He was in the terminal, nervously looking for any signs of her. It would be hard to see her again after having rejected her pleas for him to stay, and he was worried about the reasons why she had to see him. It had to be something important; he didn't believe she would want to see him after the last events. He hoped she wasn't coming to make him change his mind. He knew that would be a hard battle for him to fight, despite his best attempts to avoid her in his mind. When she finally stepped out of the gate, he realized how much he had missed her presence. He had feared that. She was wearing a simple crisp tuxedo shirt paired with jeans, her natural waves bouncing up and down with every step she took. Her light make-up enhanced her cheeks and her eyes; she was glowing.

Serena held her breath when she saw Carter. Yes, she was hurt and angry, but the sight of him had her heart melting. She tried to ignore the feeling, but she didn't succeed. He was standing there with his hands in his pockets, tall and lean, his blue eyes that seemed to see her deep inside locked on hers. For a moment, they both stood there motionless, staring at each other.

"Hey." She whispered in greeting breaking the spell between them.

"Hey."

"Thanks for picking me up."

"It's ok." Carter replied. "Did you have a good trip?"

"Yes, it was fine."

They were silent as they walked to pick up her luggage. The ride home was a quiet one. So lost in her thoughts, Serena barely noticed when they pulled up to the driveway. When she entered the house, she was surprised to see how frugal the decoration was. It was a small apartment with only the necessary; no luxury, no ostentation. As if reading her thoughts, Carter put her luggage down on the floor and said:

"I know this is totally different from what you're used to Serena, but it's enough for me for now..."

"It's okay, don't worry. Can I just freshen up?"

"Sure, second door on the left."

When Serena returned, an awkward silence fell between them as they looked at each other. Carter broke the contact to look around the apartment scratching the back of his head.

"There's only one bed. I'll take your luggage and you'll sleep there. I'll sleep on the couch. Unless you want to stay at a hotel?"

"No, no, I won't stay too long; the couch will be fine; you can stay in your bed."

"I insist. I'm used to sleeping on the couch anyway. I fall asleep there many times", he chuckled.

"Okay, thank you then." She smiled back at him, hiding her hands on the back pockets of her jeans.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to go out and have dinner?"

"Carter, there's a reason why I came. This is not easy for me, but I think the sooner I tell you, the quicker I'll leave you alone."

"Serena, if you're worried about me, don't. I'm doing fine. I told you I ..."

"Carter, I'm pregnant…"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to the people who are reviewing and for the story alerts. It is so much more inspiring to write knowing that there are people reading this story.

**Chapter I**

After a brief silence, Carter laughed a nervous laugh, but her serious, crushed look indicated that she was far from laughing.

"Serena, don't mess with me… It's not funny. I know you're upset with me…"

"I'm pregnant Carter, this is no joke." She blinked attempting to prevent the tears forming in her eyes, but the stress, the emotion of the last days, seeing him were too much to handle.

Seeing how disturbed she was, Carter placed his hand gently on her upper arm and squeezed it a little. "I didn't…" Feeling Serena tense at his touch, he pulled it back.

"How?"

"Carter, if you don't know how, we're truly fucked up!" She turned around closing her eyes, trying to regain her composure. Serena sat on the couch with her back to Carter. He walked over and sat down next to her.

"How long have you known, how far along are you?"

The warmth of his body next to hers made her feel a little calmer and she wiped the tears from her face.

"I had a feeling about a month ago, I found out for certain some days ago and I'm about two months along" she let it all out in one long breath.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked confused.

"I'm telling you now Carter. I came to tell you."

"I know, but when you suspected why didn't you call me? I would have been there with you."

"For that you would have to pick up the phone! Do you have any idea how I felt each time I called you since you left and you didn't answer?"

"I'm sorry, but…"

"Look Carter, I came because I had no right not to tell you, but I'm not expecting anything from you."

Strangely, panic and running away was not what came to his mind at the news: it was disappointment; disappointment at the thought that she expected nothing from him. He stood up. He went over to the window and opened it to feel the fresh, crispy air. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

When he turned around to face her, it was with a sad smile that he approached her: "You always expect the worst from me, don't you? You can never give me the benefit of the doubt, can you?"

"That's not what I meant. I simply don't want you to think that we have to accept this child because it's the right thing to do. I don't even know what the right thing to do is…"

"Whatever it is, it's my decision too Serena. You know that, that's why you came."

Serena said nothing. She wanted to, but she knew anything she said could hurt him and she hadn't come for that. He needed time to process the news; she had had time and she still hadn't fully done it.

"Maybe we should talk tomorrow. I'm tired and you have to sleep, you work tomorrow. I can sleep on the couch, really."

"Nonsense. Come, I'll show you the room. You can have a shower."

"Thank you."

***

He knew relationships weren't his thing. He had countless one night stands and meaningless hook ups; but not with her. Every time she entered his world he would leave everything and everyone for her. She was the only one who made him want to stay, who made him want her to be his only one. It was an irony that it was because he wanted to feel he deserved to stay that he had to leave. He wanted her to see without a doubt that he was deserving of her feelings, that he could be for her what he would never be to anyone else. Just like no one else knew the real Carter but her, he too knew Serena like no one else; he had seen her in both her glorious and worst self. He had seen her laughing and crying, he had kissed her sweet lips and her drunken lips, he had made love to the girl, to the woman and to the goddess that fascinated everybody. She had been the closest he had had to a girlfriend. She'd crept into his mind and his heart and taken up residence, without him even realizing what was going on. And he had liked it; he could have done it with her. But could she have done it with him? More importantly now: could they afford not to know what they could have been to each other and still give it a chance and jump right into parenthood?

Carter shifted uncomfortably on the couch, not able to find a comfortable position. He knew the problem was not the couch or the right position. He sighed in exasperation and sat up, switching on the light. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his agitation, but to no avail. Yes, the reality of the situation had finally become apparent: he could very well be a father soon. He gave up on sleeping entirely. He tossed back the covers, grabbed a sweater and pulled it over his head. He stood up and went across the small hall to quietly open Serena's door to check on her. He saw her sitting by the window, she too wrapped in her thoughts. He wanted to talk to her, but he didn't know what he would say. He closed the door and went back to his couch.

***

Serena woke up the next day to find Carter in the kitchen fixing breakfast.

"Morning, I thought you were working…"

"Hey… I wanted to prepare breakfast for you before I leave" he responded turning around to see her. "You have to eat, I guess…"

"Thank you", Serena replied, avoiding subtlety the implications of his last sentence.

"Will you have time to join me?"

"Yeah, for a few minutes. The full treat? Pancakes, juice, toast?"

The fact that he knew how much she liked her breakfast put a shy smile on her face. "Just a juice and some toast." Carter grabbed the carton and the toast before sitting on the stool. "Here; I'll buy some fresh fruit later."

"Thank you. This is fine."

They both sat facing each other. Serena looked down when she felt his eyes were looking for hers.

"How are you feeling? I mean, are you feeling that morning sickness?"

"A bit, it's not always that bad, but I think it will get worse."

"I've heard that you should keep something in your stomach…"

"Really? Do I want to know how do you know this?" Serena smirked at him.

"You'd be surprised with the things I know…" he said as he was taking a sip of his coffee.

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't… I know you." She looked at him earnestly and the words came out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"More than anyone else…" Carter poured the empty cup of coffee full again. "Does Lily know?" he asked changing the subject.

"No one knows. I wanted you to be the first person to know…"

"Thank you. I mean it."

Looking shy and uncomfortable Serena looked back at Carter: "Are you really working on an oil rig? Isn't that dangerous?"

"They haven't sent me to the middle of the sea Serena. I'm working in an office, learning things…"

"I was worried…all this time, how could you not have called me? I've tried so many times…even if I shouldn't have."

"Serena, we've talked about this, I…" he puts his coffee cup down with a little crash.

"No Carter, we haven't! You said what you wanted and you left me. Have you thought about me for a minute? I begged you to stay, I apologized for not trusting you; I thought we…"

He stood up from the counter stool, suddenly feeling the need to pace the room. "I think we have more urgent matters to discuss now."

"Yes, Carter, I am pregnant by the guy who left me, so there's really no need to discuss why he thought he had to leave me and how this will or will not affect our decision to have this child!" Serena said angry. Immediately after that she had to cover her mouth with her hand as her face went pale. She got up from the stool counter and rushed to the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" Carter asked alarmed.

"I'm going to be sick", Serena slammed the door to the bathroom behind her and dropped to her knees and threw up in the toilet.

Carter followed her into the bathroom and pulled Serena's hair out of her face and helped her sit against the tub when she was done being sick. That's when he realized how Serena's breathing had picked up. Carter started worrying; he didn't know what to do so he did what his instinct told him to do: he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. He could feel her shaking in his arms. "Serena, please calm down."

Being in his arms only caused Serena to break down more; tears were pouring down her blue eyes: "This is horrible Carter, I'm always crying, my body is crazy, I can't sleep; it's all too much, I'm scared."

Carter wiped the tears from her eyes and forced her to look at him:"Everything is going to be all right; I promise you that. We're going to figure this out."

"How? What are we going to do?" Serena felt like her whole world was falling apart and she couldn't prevent it. And neither could Carter. He was living hundreds of miles away from her, in a tiny apartment, working to pay for his debt, which would probably take years.

Just thinking about this made her breathing begin to pick up again, and everything else started spinning out of control. She could see Carter's lips moving, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. She saw him standing up and leaving the bathroom to come back in a hurry with a glass. He grabbed Serena's head and lifted the glass to her mouth. "Take a sip, you'll feel better, then just breathe slowly." Serena opened her mouth even if she couldn't pay attention to his words.

"You're doing great… slowly." He could see a slow improvement in her breathing as he gently stroked her hair. When it came back to normal, he asked her if she was feeling better. Serena nodded and nestled her head in the crock of his neck in a gesture that she had done so many times before. She felt protected when he put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. Carter could feel the warmth of her body against his and he had to stop himself from kissing the top of her head like he instinctively almost did.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered.

"It's okay. You need to rest."

Carter dug into his pocket for his cell phone.

"Hello, Jason? It's Carter. I need a favor. I'll do the weekend for you if you can cover for me today. Something came up and I can't go to work… thanks man, I owe you one."

"Carter, I don't want you to miss work because of me. I'm fine now; I'll rest a bit and we'll talk later. We really need to decide what we're going to do…"

"I won't leave you here alone. It's not up for discussion. Yes, we need to talk, but we're both too emotional right now. You're going back to bed and I'm going to call a doctor," he said lifting her in his arms to carry her to his bed.

"Carter, I am pregnant, not sick! I don't need a doctor" she protested, but Carter wouldn't listen. He placed her on the bed and reached again for his cell phone. Serena grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Carter, I'm serious, I'm okay now."

"I'll stay here with you and I'm going to call a doctor Serena; I need to be sure if everything is fine with you and what I have to do if something like this happens again, okay?"

Serena simply nodded with her head, seeing how determined he was.

"I'll work on some papers while we're waiting and then I'll order lunch for us." He pulled the comforter to cover her.

"I'll be right back."

When the doctor left Carter was assured by him that Serena was doing well, it was a simple case of morning sickness highlighted by the stress she was feeling. He recommended her to rest and to avoid stressful situations. Both Carter and Serena looked at each other and wondered how they could avoid that in their current situation.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is not too long, but I wanted to post something as a big thank you to the people who are reviewing. The next chapter is almost finished.

***

Chapter Two

Some days went by and it was as if they were acting a part. Both carefully hid their feelings, too concerned and scared to try to know what the other was thinking and feeling.

Serena finally answered the phone calls from Lily and Blair who hadn't stopped calling her. She assured them that she was fine and would be home soon.

Carter went back to work and Serena adjusted to his schedule. They were usually together when he was not working: they would order and stay in watching movies or they would go out or shopping for supplies. The conversations always revolved around safe topics, but many glances and telling silences were shared and there was always a reason for a touch like an arm around her waist as an excuse to guide her through the streets, or a caress on his hand when looking for support. They would both shiver inwardly and say nothing. None of them wanted to speak too honestly or act too fast risking bringing down that illusion of a compromise they had reached.

One night when Serena was getting ready to go to bed, she approached Carter who was standing on the balcony looking out over the dark. He didn't hear her moving behind him.

"Carter?" there's something about the way she says his name that makes his heart twist.

"Yes? Are you all right?" he turned around to ask her.

"Yes." She smiles. "Come to bed with me."

"What?" he asked surprised.

"It's not fair that you gave up your bed because of me. There's enough space for both of us and it's not like we haven't shared a bed before."

She reached for his hand. He closed the gap between them and took it.

When he woke up that morning he felt more well-rested than he had in days. He was in his bed, but he wasn't alone. The sight of her next to him made him sigh deeply. If there was one thing about him and Serena it was that they never had to hold back. And that was exactly what he had been doing lately; he wanted to tell her that he was glad she had come and how much he had missed her; he wanted to tell her that he wished he could hold her hand and reassure her everything would be all right; but most of all he wanted to tell her how sorry he was for leaving her the way he did.

He carefully propped himself up on his elbow to ask: "Serena, are you awake?"

"Not anymore."

"Serena, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I didn't call and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now."

"I know you are Carter. I wanted to hate you and I wanted to be angry at you, but I can't. You had the right to be disappointed at me because I didn't trust you when I should have. I'm sorry too."

"Let's not dwell on the past. We've both done things…" he stopped and slid in behind her, his arms wrapping around her middle and pulling her into his chest. Serena stiffened at his touch but said nothing. They laid there silently for a few minutes until Carter said in a quiet voice:

"This… this is happening; this is now and this is really happening…"

"It is…I know." Serena turned around to look at him. "Carter, we can't go on like this. Maybe coming to see you was a bad idea; I wasn't sure what to do, but now we're two who don't know what to do."

"I'm sorry if my reaction wasn't what you expected. I was shocked, I was; my life sucks, I can't promise you things, but I can promise that I'll be there for you and for the baby if that's what you want", he kept a tight hold of her waist as the words came out of his mouth.

"You ran away Carter, how can I trust you won't do the same again?" Serena tried to break free from his tight grip, but he didn't let her. He pulled her closer. "I won't." He cupped her face with his hand and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I won't Serena. I told you I wanted to take responsibility for my actions. I know how much I hurt you, but it wasn't because I didn't..." he stopped, took a deep breath and looked away as if it was too painful for him to remember.

"I was missing you like crazy but the thought of doing something to prove that I'm not that person anymore, that you can trust me kept me going. If you knew how many times I wanted to call you..."

"Why didn't you?"

Biting his lip, he forced his eyes back up to her. "It wouldn't be the right thing to do after I left you. And because I would have run to you the minute I heard your voice."

"Would that be so bad? I thought we had something Carter, I didn't know what but there's a reason we keep coming back to each other. I wanted to find what that is, but you ran... Just like everybody..." Shaking her head, she broke free from him and stood up.

He too stood up and punched his hand on the wall in front of him. "I'm not him Serena! Don't compare me to him," Carter shook his head.

"Maybe I am, in a way, I don't know. But I don't want to be and you have to trust people Serena; not everybody will hurt you. Leaving you that day was the most difficult thing I've done all my life... But I had to because I couldn't stand the look in your eyes. But that wasn't all..."

He leaned his head against her door. He wanted nothing more than to go and comfort her, but he knew nothing would get resolved that way.

She approached him "What look Carter? The look of desperation? The look of hurt? The look of someone who cares so much for you? Is it so bad that I wanted to help, that I wanted to be with you?"

It felt nice to be wanted; especially when he knew that he had nothing but himself to offer. Carter had convinced himself that he was emotionally incapable of romantic attachment, but he could not deny what he felt for Serena. He tried to forget and immerse on his work, but when he saw her at the airport he awakened to the truth: he loved her.

Before Serena had fully registered what he was doing, he was kissing her. His lips were soft and pliant. He brought one hand up to stroke her cheek. She gripped the other tightly in her own hand and kissed him back. When they broke the kiss she searched his eyes for what he wasn't telling her.

"I was afraid I would disappoint you if I stayed...and I didn't want that. Not with you."

"You don't have to pretend with me Carter. You've never had before. We've acted like there was nothing between us for too long. We've pretended that we didn't really have those feelings for each other. But we do. I do."

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you and I pushed you away. I'm so sorry." Raising her face to his she captured his lips in a soft, soulful kiss. Carter slowly ran his tongue over her lower lip until she let him in and the kiss soon became much more. None of them wanted to stop, but Serena knew that they had to. Pushing against his chest and pulling her mouth away she broke all contact.

"What do you want Carter? I need to know what you really feel, what you really want...You want this baby, Carter?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

"Yes." His tone was secure and his eyes didn't blink for a moment. Carter took a step back and folded his arms across his chest.

"What about you? I want the truth, Serena. Whatever it may be."

"It's totally up to me?"

"In a way it is."

Serena spoke to Carter as well as to herself:"I want to be with you, Carter. And I couldn't be more together with you than having this baby."

Rubbing his lips with one finger, Carter reached out and snagged Serena's hand pulling her smoothly back into his embrace. "Let's make it happen." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Pulling back to look into his eyes, she asked:"Are we crazy?"

Reaching out he captured a tendril of hair and twirled it around his finger. "Most certainly we are; so I think we'll be fine."

Serena laughed. They had been defying all odds since the moment they had met; somehow this didn't look so crazy looking back at their history together.

"Did you have a chance to eat yet?" Carter asked.

"No, not yet."

"How about Thai?" At her nod her grabbed his cell phone and ordered an array of dishes.

Carter took her hand and pulled her down onto the couch with him. Swinging his legs up onto the couch, he settled Serena between them comfortably, her back braced against his chest. "Since we have forty-five minutes until the food arrives why don't you introduce me to our baby? Do you have a sonogram?"

"Not yet." She grabbed his hand and guided it to her belly. "I still can't feel it, but there's this growing feeling of warmth in my body." Carter interlaced his fingers with hers and they both shared a moment of silence as if they stopped talking they would be able to connect with the tiny little being that was growing inside of her.

"You and I, we've always demanded attention from the other and now we're committing ourselves to give full attention to another person; it's scary" he whispered softly.

Glancing over at Carter she found him smiling gently. "Why are you smiling? I thought you were saying this is scary."

"It is... but it's thrilling too. I feel we can do this Serena. Something huge like this had to happen to make us stop running."

Serena shifted her body slightly so that she could face Carter.

"Let's stop running then, come home with me."

"Serena, I can't go to NYC now; I'm working here, I can't leave just like that."

"Carter, you don't have to be here; you're just being stubborn and proud."

"Yes, my pride; it's all I have left because I messed up so much. And I'll do it, for us. Let me Serena."

"Carter, we've decided to have this child, but you don't owe me anything, you don't, you don't have to take care of me."

"But I want to. You can't deny me that. I want to be part of your lives, both of your lives."

"So, what are we going to do?"

"We'll have to figure out something..." Carter sighed in frustration.

"We need to decide how we're going to make this. Now! Do you have any idea the hell it will be when we tell our families, our friends? If we're both sure we want this child we need a plan to face them."

"I don't care what they think, this is between us. I know right now I don't have many options Serena; that's why it would be good if you could move here..."

"And live here Carter? In this apartment with a child? With you working all day? What would I do? We need help, we have to go back to NYC and ask for help. That's what we have to do; if you want to take responsibility, if you want to be a part of your child's life that's what you have to do."

Sliding his body from beneath Serena's, he stood and paced the living room. "It'll be a cold day in hell if you think I'm going to ask my father or any of your friends for help."

Serena stormed after him. "Well, I'm not willing to live here, away from everybody until you pay your debt! How long will it take? Years? God Carter, it's not just about you anymore! Listen to you, you say you want to do the right thing, yet you refuse to see that we need help if we're going to have this child. I surely need; I'm living at Eleanor's, I have no job and I'm pregnant Carter!" Serena cried.

Carter came close to her and hugged her tight in his arms even when she tried to pull away from him. He soothed her hair and tried to calm her down.

"I can't go to NYC and beg your mother or Chuck for a job. I'll find a way but on my own terms."

"And what will that be? You're going to gamble for a job, a house? Is that your way, Carter?"

"I haven't gambled since I left NY and I do have a job and a house!" he spat clenching his teeth together.

Serena sighed tired and frustrated. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to say that." She escaped from his embrace to face him:"Let me help Carter. Don't push me away."

"Serena, I'm not going to beg your mother or Chuck for a job. I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

"I know. But there's someone I know who could help us."

The next day Carter went to the headquarters of the oil company for a meeting. As soon as he left the office, the man at the desk flipped opens his cell phone and dialled a number. "Hello, Mr. Baizen. Your son is on his way to NYC to care for some private issue. He didn't specify, but it's probably related to a blond girl that has been with him for the last week. You'll be receiving the pictures of them and the PI report."

***

"Serena." She looked up to see Carter walking to her. His face was shadowed and his blue eyes were tense.

As they walked on the busy street, Carter's hand was tightly in Serena's, their fingers twisted together. They're back in New York.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She looked at him for a couple of seconds.

She felt his hand clasping hers and intertwined her fingers between his as tightly as she could. It's going to work, she thinks. She could feel his thumb rubbing hers like some private language; like his skin was talking to hers.

"You're right. We need some help to start this new phase. I just wanted you to know that."

Serena nodded, her expression guarded. She felt this was probably the most difficult thing he had ever done for her, for them. Serena knew that after the shock, after they tried to make her rationalize and convince her how bad this decision was, she'd have the people who love her around her, but Carter was in this alone, he only had her. There's this sense of fragility around him that she hadn't noticed before.

Serena leaned forward and suddenly the urge to hug him was there. "I don't know Carter…" she whispered. "Ask me again why we're doing this." She squeezed him tight.

Carter squeezed her back. "I'm scared too Serena; But sometimes we don't need to know the big picture. We just need to know what we're going to do next."

"Yeah…" Serena's arms come round his waist. "Let's go, let's see my mother."

***

Minutes later they were stepping out the elevator of Lily's penthouse, holding hands in a visible show of unity. Her mother's voice immediately greeted them from the kitchen where she was pouring herself a coffee.

"Serena! Where have…" she trailed off when she saw Carter next to her daughter. "And Carter! I guess this answers my question."

"Why are you two here together? Carter, hadn't you left months ago? Weren't you broken up? I'm confused." Lily looked from one to the other demanding an explanation. "Were you with Carter all this time?"

"Yes, can we sit?"

"Let's go to the library. Something tells me this will be a long conversation." Carter and Serena looked at each other and followed Lily.

"I'm all ears." Lily leaned back on her chair and waited for them to talk.

"Lily…"

"Mom…" they said at the same time. Serena looked at Carter and with her eyes she told him she would do the talk.

"Mom, Carter and I have something to tell you." There's a brief pause when her eyes met Lily's. "We're expecting a child and we've decided that we want to keep it."

The silence came into the room and it lasted until Serena broke it with a whisper: "Please, say something…"

Lily covered her face with both hands and let out a deep sigh before she talked. "I won't ask you how this happened, but you go from broken up to wanting to have a child in months? And how you both think keeping this child is the right thing to do or how you plan to do it. Are you out of your mind?" Lily cried dramatically.

"One minute you're together, the other minute Carter disappears, then you disappear and finally you come back together and you're pregnant! Serena, when I think there isn't anything you can do to surprise me anymore, there is!" By now she was standing in front of them, her hands sitting on her hips.

Serena rolled her eyes. "You should be proud I kept the family tradition, only, I'm keeping this baby!" Her eyes shot daggers at her mother in a silent accusation. "We only came to tell you; the issue is not up for discussion." Serena said in defiance, rising from her chair, but Carter pulled her down. "Serena calm down."

He stood up and was now facing Lily. "We weren't expecting a different reaction; however you have to accept our decision. We want to have this baby and we're committed to raising it."

"Oh really, Carter? And can you tell me how?" she laughed ironically.

"We'll discuss that later. I'll be here for Serena and I'll make sure…"

Lilly's puzzled expression interrupted Carter: "Just explain to me what kind of relationship you two have or had because I frankly can't keep up with you. You pop in and out of each other's lives; it's been like this for years. I can't even tell how it started or how you're planning to…"

"Lily, I'll be most pleased to tell you our story over coffee, but not now. We're here to tell you of our plans. Serena would be very happy if she could have your support."

Lily remembered the similar situation she was in when she was Serena's age. How she got pregnant and how Cece played a role in her Rufus and Scott's future. She lost twenty years of her son's life. Although she was exasperated with the situation, she didn't want to cause Serena the same cause of suffering.

"I want you to tell me that this is what you really want, from your heart. If you say yes, you'll have my support, although not unconditionally. We'll have to fix this."

"Fix this?" Serena asked exasperated.

"How long do you think you'll keep this a secret? You'll be on the cover of every tabloid! We have our position to defend. And I'm sure the Baizens will think the same. Do your parents know, Carter?"

"You're the first person to know; we'll tell them the news next."

"Good, as soon as they know we'll have to have a family meeting and discuss the repercussions and what we're going to do."

"You won't do anything!"

"Serena, I want to speak to Carter alone. Will you give us a moment, please?"

"No!"

"Serena", Lily cut her off. "I'll call you back when we finish our conversation."

"It's all right, Serena. Let us talk."

Wasting no time, as soon as Serena left the room, Lily charged ahead.

"May I speak plain?"

"Please." Carter sat on the couch.

Sighing Lily spoke softly but firmly: "I know what happened, I know why you left, I know what happened with Beth. I've always liked you Carter, but this is my daughter. I've lost control of Serena too many times, but this time I won't let her destroy her life, her future. Is this just an opportunity for you?"

Though he wasn't surprised with the question, he was still surprised that Lily knew about Beth and the Buckley family. But surprised or not his words were sure. "I've loved Serena for a very long time; I know I haven't been aware of this until very recently. I want to make things right. This isn't a completely selfish act, no. I'm doing it for me too because this is the best chance I'll ever had to show her that I want nothing more than to make her happy. It will take time and I know she's been hurt before, so I'm taking it slow. To profess my feelings for her now would only make it look like it's something I had to do due the circumstances."

"I'll be watching you. You hurt my daughter and this unborn child and the wrath of the Buckleys will be nothing compared to mine."

"You won't have to worry," Carter said and left the library to meet Serena.

***

Serena asked Carter to speak to her brother alone first and then all three of them would talk together. He understood how close she and her brother were, but let her know that he didn't want to be left out of this important conversation.

Eric was sitting on the bed leaning against the headboard, reading a book when Serena entered the room.

Eric blinked at her. "Serena!" He stood up and held his arms open offering an embrace. "Where have you been?"

Serena hugged him back. "I've been taking care of some… issues."

"How are you?"

"I'm good. A little bored though. I never thought I would say this, but I miss Jenny."

Serena laughed at the frown on her brother's face. "I'm sure she's taking full advantage of her internship with Eleanor."

"I'm not sure. She's complaining Eleanor was driving her crazy. But what about you, where were you?"

"I was with Carter."

"Carter?" he looked confused. "Weren't you broken up?"

"Yes, but I had to seen him…Eric, I'm pregnant. Carter and I are having a child."

Eric's eyes widened and his lips formed a perfect O. He walked slowly to the plush sofa and took a seat.

"Does mom know?" he began.

"Yes, we've just told her."

"When are you due?"

"Early June."

Eric took a deep breath. His gaze held hers firmly. "You do realize that Carter left you; you do realize that your story together is far from stellar. In fact I don't know what your story is."

"Yes, I know Eric, it wasn't only his fault though" Serena said somewhat defiantly. "But he's here now with me and we want to do this. Besides, things just happened…we had two options and we've…" she trailed off.

"Serena, this is me. These things don't just happen with you." Eric's look was as inquiring as she'd ever seen it.

"What are you saying? That I got pregnant on purpose? Have you lost your mind?" Serena looked incredulous at him.

"Have I Serena? You've always been very careful, you've always known very well how to avoid something like this to happen and now you're pregnant with a baby from the guy you begged to stay?"

"You know what Eric? Forget I came to talk to you. Forget that I was expecting a really hard time from everybody, but not from you!"

She was about to leave his room when he grabbed her by the arm. "Wait, Serena!"

"Before you say anything…" she paused and sighed. "I just can't explain, Eric. He fits me. We fit. We want to make things right for both of us; we think it's time and maybe this is what had to happen for us to take that step. It's like this is a major piece of the puzzle that is our story. We have many others to figure out, but we've figured out this one, we want to do this…"

Eric took a deep breath. She'd never spoken about anyone like this before.

"Are you in love with him, Serena?" He asked softly.

Serena looked up into his eyes, the mirror of hers. "Yes, I think I am." Serena's held her breath when she realized what she had just admitted to Eric and most importantly, to herself.

"Well, where's the proud father-to-be?"

"Thank you, Eric. It would hurt a lot not to have you by my side."

She grabbed his hand to lead him to the room where Carter was waiting.

"Serena?" he halted her.

"Yes?"

"You'll be an excellent mother." Serena chuckled: "Because I know everything about what shouldn't be done?"

"That can help too" he smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N – Thank you very much to the people who are reading and reviewing.

**Chapter Four**

Conversations with his father had been regrettably tense in the last months, not to say years, so Carter decided, and Serena agreed that the news would be best broken to his parents face to face. Although they had known Serena for years, Carter knew that a phone call would not be sufficient to tell them that they would soon be grandparents.

They rode in silence to his parent's house. Serena was concerned for Carter; his relationship with his parents was a strained one and she didn't know what to expect. When they arrived, Carter's nerves suddenly came to the surface. He had been trying to mentally rehearse how to break the news, but the lines were all wrong. Nothing, no phrasing, seemed to be right.

The front door swung open, and so did Abigail Baizen's arms when she saw her son Carter.

"Carter, what a surprise! I wasn't expecting you."

"Hello mother, you know how much I like surprises," he said greeting her with a kiss.

"Serena! You look wonderful. I saw your mother last week at the Rafaeli's party. She told me you were travelling."

"Yes, I was."

"Let's go inside."

"Is father at home?"

"Yes, he is. Carter, I'm so glad you're home. Please promise me that you'll make an effort with your father. After all he tried to…"

"I'm not here to discuss my relationship with him, don't worry about that."

They headed to the library where William Baizen was standing at his desk overlooking the garden while talking on the phone. He turned around at the sound of the door opening.

"William, look who's here."

He excused himself and hung up the phone. "Carter. Serena."

"Hello, Mr. Baizen."

"Father."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes. Serena and I just came to…"

"Now Carter, lunch is almost being served. I'm sure you can tell us the news over dinner," Abigail interrupted.

Half an hour later, they were sitting at the table. The conversation was kept light

As Carter sat and chatted with his sister, Serena excused herself and left the table. Abigail saw the look that she gave Carter and decided to follow her.

"Serena," she called her.

"Abigail, I'll be right back," Serena stopped.

"Aren't you feeling well, dear?"

Serena hesitated before a smile brightened her face. "No, I'm fine; I just need to go to the bathroom."

"Serena, are you pregnant?" Abigail asked breathlessly. No preambles. No long explanations. No dramatic reveal.

Serena let out a laugh that convinced neither herself nor Abigail: "Am I that fat?"

"If there's one thing I remember from you is your voracious appetite; you barely touched your food, I saw the look you gave Carter; I can sense the tension between you two. And it's not that I'm not happy to see my son and you, but you wouldn't travel all the way up here to visit us. I've been asking him that for ages, but he's proud and he doesn't want our help on his father's terms… I'm sorry if I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion…"

"No, you're right, Abigail, I'm pregnant." Suddenly Serena's eyes started tearing up and all the fear and tiredness she had been feeling erupted into a sob. "I'm sorry. I'm always crying; I just can't help it."

With surprise, Serena saw herself being embraced by Abigail. "Oh my, Serena! I… I don't know what to say."

"And we don't know how to break the news. It's been hard with everybody, but Carter and William are barely on speaking terms and he knows this will be another thing that he will throw in his face, and our lives are so messed up, and…" Serena stopped and looked Abigail in the eyes.

"Abigail, I need you to have Carter's back, promise me that you'll give your son a chance?"

"We've always given Carter chances, Serena. Carter's current predicament is his own doing. But this is different, you and this baby are involved and I don't want you to worry about anything. I'll wait for you and we're going to tell the news."

Serena nodded and before she realized, she was back in the dining room standing in front of everyone.

"Carter, I think you and Serena have some news for us…"

Carter opened his mouth but then immediately closed it and he stood up to stand next to Serena. He placed his hand on her hip to bring her closer to him. "Yes, we have. There will be a new member in our families. Serena and I are expecting a baby."

The news he had been agonizing over telling was told, and the reaction was exactly what he had expected: a stunned silence and no immediate response, until one by one, they were like awakening from a dream trying to remember what had happened. So far, their reaction had been absent of outrage, but like the UES family they were he knew that would be something for later.

"We surely weren't expecting the news, but it's a good one… I think. Carter?" his sister Isabella asked.

"Yes, we want this baby." She approached him and hugged him and gave Serena a kiss. "Congratulations."

"Carter, join me in the studio."

***

For the second time in less than twenty four hours, Carter knew that he would be in the same uncomfortable position of being lectured.

"Do you want to drink anything?" his father asked.

"Are we going to toast to your future grandson or granddaughter?"

In silence he poured two scotches and gave one to Carter.

"Nothing would have pleased me more, Carter. The day a son tells his father he's going to be a grandfather. But you came almost ashamed, afraid to tell us because you know that once again you have no control over your life."

"Serena and I are not the first people in the world surprised by a pregnancy. It happened and now we just want to do what we think is the best for us. We just want you all to give us a chance; that would please us, but we're ready if we can't count on you."

"Ready?"

"Yeah, ready. Do you think I can't be responsible?"

"I can believe that you want to be, and at least this time you're not running away, but as you know you're not in the position to do it by yourself. That's why you're here."

"This time? And although I'm not here to beg for your help, I would like you to give me the opportunity to prove that I can rise to the occasion."

"We've given you plenty of opportunities; your mother and I forgave you for all your missteps and yet Carter all you managed to do was to prove us wrong in trusting you. And yes, this time: you've disgraced our family's name with the Buckley family, people we know and with whom I have business with; I'm glad you're not doing the same with Serena and the van der Woodsen's."

"You know about Beth?" Carter's eyes widened in surprise.

"Of course I know about Beth, Carter! Why do you think that story never reached the headlines? Both our families would have been humiliated! How could you?"

Carter looked down. "I couldn't. That's why I didn't do it… I apologized and I'm now trying to do the right thing…"

"Your debt has been paid a long time ago!"

"I know Serena had an…"

"I paid that debt soon after I knew what you did, Carter! I had to do something to minimize the scandal that would affect all of us."

"Why didn't you tell me? What did the Buckleys want from me if they had what they wanted already? I lost Serena because of this…" Carter almost whispered the last part.

"Do you think you would walk away just like that? No consequences? No explanations?"

"I'm sorry, I really am. I'm trying not to be that person anymore."

William let out a deep sigh. "What's this with Serena now? I know you've been together and now you're expecting a child. What is the matter with you Carter? Is this a new scam?"

"Don't you dare to call my feelings for Serena a scam! Don't you dare!" he spat furious.

He knew his son and he had never seen him so upset, not even when he was trying to defend his defenseless actions. "Was this planned? Your mother and I know you've been close and we know Serena likes to upset Lily and she too has a penchant for walking on the wild side, just like you. Was this some kind of plan?"

"No, it happened. I only knew about the pregnancy last week."

"Are you sure you want to have this child? You're both too young and it will change your life, Carter…"

"Yes, we want to do it, we know it will considerably change our lives."

"Very well. We have to meet with the van der Woodsen's to discuss the details. As for how you'll live your life from now on…" the sound of his cell phone interrupted him. William excused himself and left the library to take the call.

Carter approached his father's desk and that's when he saw a picture sneaking from under a manila envelope. His stomach gave a nasty flip when he saw a picture of him and Serena. And another one and another one. He grabbed the envelope and inside he found a pile of letters. He leafed through them without really looking at them. He knew the content: a weekly account of his activities. He felt a coldness growing inside of him. He stuffed the letters back into the envelope and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him.

"Carter, where are you going? We aren't finished yet."

Carter passed by his father on the hall, unable to meet his eyes. He just had to get out.

"Yes, we are!" he spat.

"Carter, what happened?" Abigail asked when Carter rushed into the living room.

"Mom, please tell the driver to drive Serena back to town."

He then approached Serena and planted a kiss on her cheek. "I'll arrive later. Don't worry."

***

Serena heard the door open and she felt almost sick with relief. But when Carter came in she felt her body contract in concern. His expression was taut; he looked as though his face was carved out of stone.

"Hi" she said at last. Carter took off his coat and headed to the bar. He poured himself a scotch and he downed it looking at Serena.

"I'm sorry I left you there; I had to be alone for a while to clear my head."

"I understand. I was worried…"

"I came back to the city and I was just walking." He poured himself another one while Serena watched anxiously. His face was tense and pale.

"So," she hardly dared to ask him the question. "Was it that bad?"

"It wasn't particularly good, no."

"Did he…"

"He had me followed all this time. He had pictures of me, of us. All this time he knew about Beth; he paid the Buckleys the money I owned them, which means that they're in this together." Carter pulled off his tie roughly and threw it to the floor.

"Carter, I'm so sorry. Look, let's forget all this, our families, let's do this our way. Forget him."

"I can't. I know I have no one but myself to blame for this situation, but he loves to drag me down; if I do one good thing, he says it could have been better; if I do something wrong, it's simply what he expects from me." His tone is slow, and when Serena glanced at his hand she saw it clenched tightly around his glass. Rarely had she seen him so vulnerable, so honest with his insecurities.

"You don't have to impress him; all this is hard enough already, you know?"

He sat down in an armchair. "Look at us: daddy issues anyone?" he scoffed shaking his head disbelievingly.

Serena couldn't help giving him a little smile.

"You see how ironic this is?"

"How?"

"I paid that debt for you and your father did the same, in the end none of us did the right thing because…"

"No Serena, he did it to spare our family a scandal, it's understandable, but he could have told me, he didn't because he wants to control me, while you did it…"

"Because I care for you Carter" she interrupted him. "I wanted to help you; I wanted to be there for you, just like you've done with me."

"I know," he said looking up at her. "I never doubted it."

Serena went over to him and took the glass out of his hand. "You know what we need? A few hours of fun and relaxation before the next battle. Let's dress up and go somewhere nice, and dance, and have a few cocktails."

"Really? That's what you want to do?"

"I think I'll have to pass the cocktails part unless there's one for pregnant women, but yeah."

"There's a glimmer of a smile when he agreed: "You're right; let's do it."

***

After a night out where they spent a few hours dancing to a jazz band, Carter's favorite music, talked about everything but daddy issues, ate ice cream and Carter experienced the first run to the store to satisfy Serena's sudden craving for Reese's Pieces, they were now in the Hamptons visiting Cece. Serena was counting on her grandmother to give them a very much needed help in this new phase of their relationship that they had decided to embark. Carter had agreed because he knew how much Serena trusted Cece and he too had felt several times the special affection the old woman had for him.

Cece joined Serena and Carter in the dining room for breakfast, dressed in her elegant Chanel two pieces.

"Ah, the people who will make me a great grandmother are already here!" she said with a soft laugh as both Carter and Serena rose from their seats to greet her.

"Hi grandma" Serena gave her an affectionate kiss on the cheek. Carter followed her and Cece was greeted with two kisses. "Cece, lovely as usual."

"Carter, a gentleman, as usual. That's what got you into trouble in the first place", she said while he pulled the chair for her.

Carter chuckled and was about to say something, but was interrupted by the arrival of the maid. There was an obedient silence while they were being served.

"Now…"

"Grandmother," Serena interrupted her. "We feel like we've been doing these rounds of telling the family since forever. Please, spare us the lecture on how this happened and if we're sure because you already know the answer. I'm sure my mother filled you in with all the details and her delirious concerns. "

"I have no lecture for you Serena." Cece knew it was decorous to be outwardly disapproving but she was secretly thrilled because she had always thought that Carter would be the perfect partner for her granddaughter and vice versa, since they both could read the other like no one else, however if her plan was to be successful, she would have to play it carefully, and for that she would have to be tough in her conditions.

"I am in fact very pleased and happy."

"You are?" Carter asked startled.

"I like you Carter, and I adore my granddaughter. Yes, I was hoping this would happen a little later in your lives, but now we just have to deal with the circumstances and try to make the best for you both."

Serena smiled. "I knew you would help us grandma."

"Darling, sometimes life gives us the chance to make up for past mistakes and this is one of those occasions. I'm just trying to keep things balanced; hopefully in the end everybody will be happy."

"So you're doing this because as a way to redeem your past actions with my mother?"

"I'm not …. I have big plans for both of you and this is how you will pay your side of the bargain: first, you'll get engaged."

"What?" Both Carter and Serena screamed in unison.

"Yes, you'll get engaged; it's the best way to protect you; we'll be sending a message of how committed you are."

"We are committed and we don't need to send messages to anyone."

"Don't be a fool; in our world we're always sending messages. The world of business is a conservative one; you have two powerful surnames that combined can make a lot for both of you if you send the right message, and the right message here is family, commitment, responsibility."

They both shifted uncomfortable in their seats and struggled to look at Cece. It crossed their minds that they hadn't even discussed the possibility of living together; all they cared was to support each other and be there for the baby.

"I'll take your silence as complete agreement." Cece just smiled as she took another sip of her coffee.

"So, let's proceed. I assume you're here because you need money. You're broke, Carter, and Serena will only have full access to her fund when she's twenty five. You need a place to live and a job that pays for the lifestyle you're both used to."

"Cece, Serena and I agreed that you would be the person we would ask for help, but I hope your plan doesn't rely on making a phone call to my father or to Bass Industries. I won't…"

"Carter, let me finish. I don't want to hear you talking about your debt anymore. I do condemn what you did and I'll be watching you, but you have a clean sheet from now on and you'll be working for you, only you. You'll be the one who will decide your success or your failure. Of course I'll use my connections with several boards, but you'll have a word on the matter. As for the rest, until you decide where you want to live I'll have my real estate agent find a place for you. I'll be talking to your mother to discuss other details. I think it's a very good package for you, don't you think?"

"Grandma, I appreciate it, so much, what you're doing for us; we're not in a position to say no, but Carter and I would like to discuss your generous offer first."

While Serena was talking, Cece couldn't help but notice how her granddaughter's hand had reached for Carter's and she had squeezed it. That small gesture gave her the conviction she was doing the right thing. Serena was sensible enough to Carter's position and wanted to make sure that he wouldn't feel overwhelmed with the situation.

"Fair enough, dear. So, now that we have this annoyance behind us, Carter, I have a delightful little story about Serena when she was still in Lily's womb. If this great grandchild of mine is anything to go by, you'll have your hands full from very early on."

Serena giggled, for she already knew what her grandmother was going to tell. She was happy that she had been right about Cece: her grandmother would not only help them, but she was also treating Carter like a member of the family. Now if she could only be sure Carter would agree with Cece's proposal.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: As always, thank you so much for the reviews. I'm sorry it took me a little longer to update.

**Chapter Five**

On the drive from the Hamptons to Manhattan, Carter could see that Serena was tense. She clenched her hand so hard that her fingernails were digging into her palm.

He grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. "Serena, we don't have to do this… I don't want you to worry. I want us to try to enjoy this time the best we can."

Serena turned her head slightly to look at him. "We'll talk later. Blair is waiting for me."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"Later."

The driver stopped at the entrance of Blair's townhouse. Serena disentangled her hand from his and opened the door.

"Just a few hours, okay?"

Carter nodded and saw her walk away.

***

"Hi Blair, I'm sorry I'm late. I know, I know, you must be mad at me." Serena met her friend half way up the stairs and hugged her.

"Mad? I'm not mad because you're late. I'm mad because all this is happening in your life and I was probably the last person to know."

Blair's high pitched voice told her that she wasn't pleased. "I wanted to talk to you personally, but we really had to tell my mother and his parents first. I'm sorry."

They both walked to Blair's room and there Serena took off her shoes and lay down on her bed.

"I'm exhausted. If I have to say the same story one more time, I'll scream and run away."

"I'm here Serena; I'm waiting to hear that story with all the very tiny details that you owe me." Blair was looking at her with her hands on her hips and Serena knew that she had no escape.

"Carter left me, I got pregnant, I went to meet him, we decided to have the baby and we're telling the family."

"You won't get away with that just because you're a pregnant woman."

Serena sighed and rolled over on the bed to grab and embrace a pillow. "That's what happened, Blair. I didn't expect this to happen so soon in my life and I always thought it would be a joyful occasion and not something that everybody needed to fix."

Blair sat on the edge of the bed and moved a stray piece of hair from Serena's forehead. "You know you can count on me and you know I would have been there for you when you found out if you had told me, don't you?"

"Yeah," she said quietly. "It's something that I had to do alone though. I had to try to find my own answer before people tried to convince me what's right or wrong."

"Okay. As long as you're sure…"

"I am. I wasn't sure, but when I saw Carter's reaction it was easier to decide. Well, not his initial reaction," Serena smiled. "He thought I was joking and then he looked at me like he was seeing a ghost when I told him it was no joke."

"Carter Baizen speechless, there's something I'd love to see."

Serena's hand moved to her belly. "Can I touch it? I know the baby is not kicking yet…"

Serena grabbed her hand and guided it to her belly and a smile lighted Blair's face. "Apart from Carter you're the only one who asked about the baby. All the others just wanted to make sure I knew how wrong Carter is for me and how they would deal with all this."

"You have to give people some time to let the idea sink in, Serena. Once the baby is born everything will change."

"I hope so…"

"How's Carter taking all this?"

"The baby part, well, but as for the rest, I don't know. We still haven't talked about Cece's plan."

"What plan?"

"Finding a position for him, getting engaged…"

"Engaged?" Blair widened her eyes and glared at Serena demanding an explanation.

"Are you making fun of me now?"

"It's all part of my grandmother's idea. We really need some help and she's the only one Carter would not say no. Besides, this is not for real. It's only for the show."

"Is Carter okay with this?"

"I don't know. We still haven't talked since we came back from the Hamptons."

"This is surreal, Serena. A baby, engaged… Would you like to be Mrs. Baizen? Not now, but in the future?"

"I feel we belong together, but not necessarily in the conventional way. I can't explain it to you Blair; I don't even know how to explain it to myself. Every time he enters my life he brings something new and I feel drawn to him like I've never felt with anyone else."

"But he always leaves, Serena. Or you leave. What makes you think it will be different this time? The baby?"

"I don't want it to be the only reason. I want us to be the reason. I want to be the reason too."

"Serena, you're in love with Carter, aren't you? You want this baby because you love him and you want him to be a real father for the baby."

"Is it a bad thing? I told you before that he's different with me. I know he's far from flawless, but so am I. I don't doubt he's trying to get a grip on his own life."

"I don't want you to get hurt, promise me you'll be careful?"

"I think it's too late for that, don't you think?" she winked at her friend.

***

As Serena arrived, Carter was fixing his hair in front of the mirror with one hand and holding his cell phone with the other.

"Yes, that's right. Baizen. Thank you."

He flipped the phone shut and turned around when he saw Serena's reflection on the mirror.

"You're back. How did it go? Did Waldorf throw a tantrum because she wasn't the first to know?"

Serena shrugged her shoulders and went to grab a bottle of water. "You know Blair, the louder she screams, the bigger her hug will be in the end."

"Who were you talking to?"

"I was confirming my flight for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Why do you have to go tomorrow?"

"Serena, I have to go. There are some things I need to know."

"Your father? Why don't you let it go, Carter? Don't you think we have enough to worry?"

"Like the fact that we're engaged?" Carter chuckled. He pulled her onto the couch and sat down.

"Are we going to agree with this?"

"That's the easy part. I'll have to buy you a ring…"

"Carter, I'm serious," she interrupted him exasperated.

"I'm serious too. You think buying you a ring and pretending we're getting married is my biggest concern?" he looked seriously at her.

"I don't want you to feel trapped. That's what grandma's proposal may look like, a trap: her help for a ring on my finger."

"Cece is an old fox. You should know your grandmother, Serena. That's her bait for me, not a trap. She wants me to accept a position in some company and be here for you and the baby and knowing how, or at least suspecting how important you are to me, she hopes an engagement will make things easier for me."

"Is it true? I'm important to you?"

"Do you have any doubts? You've always been special to me and now we're going to have a baby; that makes it extra special…"

He pulled her closer to him and made her lay her head on his lap.

"What I'm going to tell you is not easy, but I think it's the best for you."

Serena immediately tried to raise her head when she heard those words. "No, Carter! I don't want to hear it; I know what you're going to say."

"Listen to me first," he said while pulling her back to his lap.

"I will be there for you and for the baby Serena, but I think it's better if you stay with your mother; you know you'll have everything you need. I can't assure you that. I gambled big and I lost big. I can't now rely on other people's connections and money ….I need to start over and I can't drag you down into this."

"Carter…"

"I know what you're going to say; it's only money, we're in this together, but I have to do this my way; I won't run away, but I think it's better if you stay with Lily, with Cece, your friends. I'll come to be with you and I'll be here anytime you need me."

"No Carter, just no! That's not what I want. That's not what you told me you wanted a few days ago. If you want to be a part of our lives you'll have to stay and let Cece help us!" she said firmly, her eyes sparkling.

"Are you black mailing me?" he scowled.

"Call it whatever you want. I'm not going to have a child who's going to have an absent father who will show up from time to time with presents to ease his conscience."

"Serena, you know I wouldn't do that…"

"No, I don't… You keep popping in and out of my life Carter; I had enough, I want you…I want you to stay, the baby and I want you to stay with us. Otherwise you know what will happen, one day you'll come, then you'll start calling instead of coming and one day you'll stop calling at all."

"Serena…" the look in her eyes left him speechless. It was a mixture of hurt and longing. There was a depth in it that made his heart skip a beat.

"I love you Carter. I don't want to do this alone…"

"Serena, I…" he stopped again, taking some time to think about his words.

"There you go: I said it and all you can say is my name?" a sad smile formed on her lips and tears started running down her cheeks.

He threw caution in the wind, when were they cautious anyway he asked himself and swept her up in his arms, eliciting a small squeal from her. "I love you too. Always have."

Serena pressed herself as close to him as she could. They clung to each other breathing each other deeply. Serena turned her face to meet his hungry lips. He kissed her long and deep, feeling her body respond. When he pulled away, her eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed.

"Don't stop."

Carter showed her he had no intention to stop when he carried her to the bedroom where he dropped her on the bed. He helped her out of her clothes until she was completely bared before him. Hurriedly he got rid of all his clothes and joined her in the bed. His nude form kneeled above her and explored every bit of her skin with his mouth and his hands, passionately kissing soft patches of skin; her breasts, her stomach, his mouth always founding its way back to hers.

Serena wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him to her in a tight embrace. She caressed the muscles in his back with her fingers while planting kisses on his neck and shoulders, her soft tongue sliding over his earlobes and his chin. They were both lost in the sensation of exploring each other's bodies, tasting each other without regret. When Carter's hand stroke the inside of her thigh, Serena gasped, prompting him to continue the most intimate discovery of her body as his tongue traced a path starting at her neck down her stomach where he stopped to kiss it lovingly. When Carter lifted his head and looked for her eyes, Serena felt an overwhelming sensation, a mixture of lust and a sweet tenderness that she could see mirrored in his eyes. He moved back up to kiss her while his fingers slipped inside of her. Serena let out a moan and arched her body in response. She wanted him; she grabbed his buttocks and pushed him into her, moaning in his ear. Carter kissed her hard while sliding carefully inside of her and his hips began moving slowly. She wrapped her legs tightly around him and their bodies started moving at the same pace. She arched herself into him and as their hips collided he kissed her breasts. He knew she was close and could not hold himself back any longer. Carter rocked his hips faster and they both climaxed at the same time, shockwaves running through their bodies. Their bodies remained still, basking in the afterglow until their mouths slowly started seeking each other.

Finally Carter lifted his mouth from Serena's and looked down at her: "I've missed you," he murmured against her lips.

"I've missed you too." Serena kissed him lightly. "Serena…"

"Later, Carter. We can talk later. Right now let it be just this."

With Serena's naked form curled up against him, Carter pondered about what he wanted, what he needed. He knew that it was not everything about him anymore, but he wasn't sure staying would be the best he could do for Serena and the baby. Serena began to stir, but he soothed her to sleep with fingers against her back.

"Don't go," she whispered before dozing off to sleep.

***

He stopped at the door to the suite. Dropping his large leather satchel, he turned and walked back into the dark bedroom. Sitting down on the edge of the bed he watched Serena sleep.

Unable to resist he leaned down and kissed her lips. She woke up confused: "Carter?"

"Were you expecting someone else?" he asked amused as he tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear.

"Where are you going," she asked looking at him fully dressed and clean shaved.

"I'm leaving; you know I have to."

"I don't want you to go…Just call them; it will be more than enough," more than her words, it was the plea in her eyes that made Carter swallow hard.

"I know, but I have to go; there are people I want to talk to and there are actually a few of them I want to thank."

Serena sat on the bed and covered her naked body with the sheet. "Are you going to leave me after last night?" she pouted.

Carter chuckled. "So, that was your plan, you seduced me to convince me to stay."

"The seducing part worked pretty well." Her face reddened adoringly when images of their night ran through her mind.

"Exactly," Carter smirked.

She leaned forward and hid her face against his chest. "Let's just go away. Just the two of us; we sell all our stuff and buy a hut on the beach…"

Carter laughed softly, "Ohhhh...now that sounds like heaven, but I doubt Lily wouldn't send a search party around the world to find you."

Lowering his head to hers, he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead, a second kiss on her nose, a third and fourth kiss on each eye, and the final kiss he laid upon her lips.

"It's time for me to go beautiful. I'll be back in no time."

Serena simply wrapped him in her arms and held on tightly. Pulling back so that he could see her face, he spoke softly but firmly. "Promise me you'll behave and you'll be careful with the baby. Promise me you will actually listen to people when they say what's best for you."

Serena nodded and caressed her belly. "Carter? You will be back, won't you?"

"Serena, of course I will," he assured her in a serious tone.

When he was turning the knob of the door to open it, Carter turned around to her.

"Serena, I love you. I don't know if that's a good thing for you, but never forget that."

He grabbed his satchel and left.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

"Why do you say that? Hasn't he said he loves you?" Blair asked her friend as they were having lunch.

"He has, but the way he said it and left… I don't know Blair… I'm afraid he'll convince himself that the best for me is if he stays away from me."

"Serena, your hormones are playing with you. You're too sensitive. He'll be back." Blair reassured her friend. But she wondered if Serena could be right. Carter wasn't known for staying in the same place for too long and although she believed he truly cared for Serena and the baby he couldn't be trusted. She would have to make sure Carter Baizen would be back. Serena wouldn't take well to yet another blow in her life. But she couldn't share her thoughts with her. "He loves you Serena, he may not be the conventional type, but from everything I know about you two, I have no doubts about his feelings."

"But there's always this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. We wouldn't even be together if it wasn't for the baby." Serena took a deep swallow of her spring water.

"But he wants to be with you, and not only because of the baby."

Serena sighed. "I guess so, but I will never know for sure, will I?"

Blair looked up from her plate. "What do you mean? He wants to have this baby with you; he said he loves you… I know Carter and this is huge for him Serena. If you're together, you'll have to start trusting each other."

* * *

As soon as Blair's driver left Serena at Lily's, she immediately grabbed her phone and dialed Carter's number as fast as she could. He picked up on the fourth ring.

"When are you bringing your ass back to NYC?" she shot before he would even have time to say hello.

"Do you miss me?" he replied in his usual cocky voice.

"I don't have time to waste. I want you back in New York; Serena is worried and that is not an option for her now."

"What happened? Why is she worried? I've talked to her this morning and she hasn't told me anything." He was now worried and stopped walking as if this way he could listen better to what Blair was saying.

"Of course, she hasn't! When will you know women? It's what we don't tell you that is important."

"Look Blair, we can talk about women's psychology another time, is there anything you want to tell me about Serena?"

Blair sighed. She wasn't sure what would be the best approach, to intimidate him with some sort of blackmail or some lie about Serena not being well, or to appeal for his emotional side. She ruled out the former; she wanted to be sure that he was with Serena because that's what he wanted.

"Carter, don't lie to me: was this trip just an excuse not to come back?"

Carter's expression was grim. He knew that Blair couldn't see him but he wished she could. It would be a long way for him to earn people's trust and respect and he wasn't going to make things easy for them by proving them wrong. It's true that he flirted with the idea that Serena would be better off without him, but as soon as he left he knew that he wouldn't do that; simply because he couldn't. In another time, he would take the plane and disappear; alone, the way he knew best, in as big a crowd as he could find. He could wander for as long as he wanted. But not now; never before was the reality of having Serena so within his grasp and he wouldn't miss that. Yes, he could still wander. Together with her.

"Carter?"

"No," was his rough answer. He felt anger growing inside of him. It was mainly towards himself for allowing Serena to think that he wouldn't go back.

"Good, but if you don't plan to stick around, this is the right time for you to go. We'll take care of Serena."

"I'm kind of disappointed in you Waldorf. You would let me off the hook just like that? No fight? No threat? Or better: no offer to leave Serena? Oh wait, that is Bass MO!"

"The thought crossed my mind Baizen. Serena…"

"I have no doubt it did, but that way you would never know if I would be with Serena for the right reason, right? And not knowing is something that Blair Waldorf can't accept."

"I'll see you at the engagement party, make sure to be there." Blair flipped her phone shut to end the conversation, then tossed it in the seat.

* * *

The atmosphere was hushed and lavish. There were lavish flower arrangements and bottles of champagne on ice. The small family dinner to announce Serena and Carter's engagement turned out to be not so small. The entire Baizen, van der Woodsen and Humphrey clans were there as well as close friends. While they were waiting for dinner to be served, small parties were formed around the living room and the topic of the conversation was of course Carter and Serena.

Serena had excused herself to go to the bathroom. There's a tapping on the door and in came Carter looking dapper in his tuxedo and holding a champagne glass.

"Hey beautiful. You're missing all the fun."

"Aren't you funny! I can only imagine what they're all discussing…"

"Do you care?"

"No, I don't, but they could have spared us all of this. An announcement on the paper would have been enough."

"True, but I wouldn't want to miss all the killer looks I'm getting from my father and Bass," he laughed and sipped on his champagne.

"Let me take a sip." Carter made a surprised face, but still brought the glass to her lips.

"A sip or two won't harm you…"

"Please, whatever they're saying, just ignore them, promise me?"

"They're not even talking to me."

"Good, I just want this night to end. And tomorrow I definitely need to go shopping. Look at this...I barely can breathe." Serena sighed as she looked herself in the mirror of the bathroom. Her belly was starting to show and it was becoming impossible to hide it.

Carter walked to her; his hands slid around her waist and embraced her softly. "You definitely added an inch or two," he said nuzzling her neck, "but it only makes you more beautiful."

"You don't look so bad yourself…" Serena turned to kiss him lightly on the lips. Carter leaned his head down to capture her lips while his hand caressed her neck. Their lips mingled and their tongues danced around each other. He broke the kiss to look at her.

"I want you to know that no matter how much some people in that living room want to see me fail and disappoint you, there's no other place I'd rather be than here with you. Serena smiled and thought that maybe she should stop worrying about him.

"Now, let's go outside and show them we're in this together," Carter grabbed her hand and led her to the living room.

* * *

When dinner was served, Lily asked for everybody's attention for a toast. She summoned everyone's feeling that the events occurring were unexpected, but it was now time to wish Carter and Serena all the best in this new chapter in their turbulent relationship and they would be there to support them. All, some more reluctant than the others, raised their glasses and drank to it. Cece sent Serena an enigmatic smile, while Blair reassuringly squeezed her friend's hand under the table. Chuck, who was quietly observing the reactions, slowly raised his glass in Carter's direction and nodded his head smirking at him. Carter understood the subtly of the gesture and retrieved with his own smirk, in a promise that was only between them.

As expected the news of the engagement between Carter Baizen and Serena van der Woodsen made the headlines of the gossip columns and was even mentioned in some of New York most respectable newspapers. It was with no surprise that in the following days Serena was followed by paparazzi when she and Blair were shopping for a new wardrobe. In the meantime Carter was busy meeting with Cece, to decide where he was going to start working.

* * *

Serena woke up to see Carter handing her a cup of tea.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning. What time is it?" she asked sitting on the bed.

"9.15. I'm going to take a shower and get ready to meet my father, but I'll be back in two hours to take you to see the apartment, okay?"

Serena just nodded and fell back on the bed.

"Call Eric, he called twice but I told him you were sleeping and he didn't want to disturb you" he said giving her a kiss, and headed for the shower. After a few sips of tea, Serena reached for her cell phone.

"Hi! It's me!"

"Serena. How are you feeling?" Eric asked.

"I'm good. Now that the morning sickness is no longer bothering me so much, I'm actually feeling good. Today I'm going to wear my first…"

"Serena, have you seen the papers today?" Eric interrupted her, sounding distressed.

"No. Why?"

There's silence.

"Is Carter there?"

"He's having a shower. What's going on, Eric?"

"Serena, Carter's debts, the scandal with the Buckleys and your pregnancy… it's making the headlines of every paper. Please don't read it, I'm sure Grandma and Mom will do some damage control. I just didn't want you to be caught by surprise."

"Is it nasty?" Serena asked apprehensively, sitting up on the bed.

"It's mainly the tabloids… it's juicy to say the least. I didn't tell Carter, I couldn't. I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, I'll tell him. Thanks for calling me." Serena hurried to the door and opened it to look for the morning papers on the corridor. She carted them all back to the bed and feverishly started reading the headlines. It's as though someone punched her in the stomach. There were pictures of her and Carter, mainly old ones. And the headlines. As she read it her heart started thudding, she couldn't stand it anymore and closed the paper. The papers had been printed millions of times and nothing could be done. Everyone they knew would have seen it.

The telephone gave a shrill ring. After a moment it rang again and Serena stared at it. She couldn't answer it.

The phone kept ringing as Carter strode out of the bathroom, clad only in a towel.

"Aren't you going to get that?" he asked grabbing for the receiver.

"No Carter, don't!" Serena jumped, not allowing him to pick up the receiver.

"What's going on?"

She searched for his hand and brought him to the bed. Her hand tightened around his and she closed her eyes – then took a deep breath.

"We're on the papers today, it's… it's not good" she said licking her dry lips. "Just have a look…" she gave one of the papers to Carter.

As he gazed at it, the tension began to show on his face. The muscles along the edge of his jawbone twitched. He clenched his teeth together. His face twisted in rage as he threw the paper to the floor.

"What the fuck?" he glanced at Serena. "Did you know about this?"

"Of course not! Eric called to warn me." Serena met his gaze, but he stared ahead expressionlessly.

"I can't believe this," he said, so quietly it could hardly be heard. Carter looked as grim as they both felt.

"I know…"

"Serena, you realize, don't you? You realize that this is no innocent stuff…"

"What do you mean?" she whispered.

"This issue with the Buckleys happened a year ago, nothing transpired because our families silenced it. But now that we're together and we're having this child it hits the papers. Coincidence? I think not…" Carter started to get dressed.

"C'mon Carter, only our families know and I'm pretty sure no one would talk to the press to leak this story."

"Think a little harder Serena. I know exactly who's behind this," he said before he left slamming the door behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm so sorry it took me all this time to write another chapter. It wasn't my intention, it just happened. This is the last chapter of this story, but there will be a sequel. I want to thank the people who sent me PMs asking about the story. And a big thank you to my beta **Amy** who helped me with this chapter.

**Chapter Seven**

Carter walked through the reception area on auto-pilot. He walked past the secretary and strode into the office as if he owned it.

"I know it's you behind this morning's headlines," he shouted slamming the door behind him.

"Baizen, you've made your way into the family; that doesn't mean I'll have to see you every other day…" Chuck replied ignoring his accusation.

"I'll never be part of your family, but Serena is! How could you do that to her?" Carter could feel the blood pulsating through his veins. He would gladly punch Chuck, but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of having himself thrown out or doing something that could be used against him.

Their eyes met, and although he kept smiling, there was that hardness to Chuck's gaze. A particular anger that Carter knew only he had the ability to bring out in Chuck. It was like pressing a button. Could change sentence to (It was as simple as pressing a button.)

"I'll do whatever I need to keep her away from you. She'll understand when she finally comes to her senses." Chuck rose from behind his desk, wearing his trade mark smirk, and walked to the bar.

"You're not even going to deny it?" Carter sneered at him.

"Why? There are no secrets between us, are there? That's what makes this so fun. I'm actually quite honored you immediately thought I leaked the story to the press."

The conversation was momentarily interrupted when the head of security entered the room.

"Mr. Bass, this was a terrible mistake. I'm here to ask the gentleman to leave the premises."

Carter laughed and sat on the couch opposite Chuck's desk. "I'll leave when I think it's time to leave. Mr. Bass and I aren't done yet." Carter sat back and relaxed.

"You can go now. We'll talk about this incident later." Chuck dismissed the nervous man with a slight wave of his hand.

"Probably more than anyone else, I know what you're capable of Carter. You managed to convince my sister that you love her…"

Carter scowled. "I didn't have to convince her. I actually do love her, Bass!"

"Right…" Chuck paused to take a sip of his scotch and looked at Carter with that little sly smile of his. "Soon all your noble intentions will be over and you'll do what you always do: you'll catch the first flight to some destination and you'll leave Serena behind. I'm just anticipating it so that you can let us take care of Serena."

"And you thought you would accomplish that by leaking those stories to the press?" Carter rose from the sofa and walked over to the bar where he unceremoniously poured himself a glass of scotch. "Serena knows about them, we are together and we'll stay together while you will be the one who tried to ruin her happiness."

"It won't take too long until you're the one messing with her happiness; it's a law of nature. And then when you hurt her one more time, I'll gladly kick you to the curb and she'll know who she really can count on."

"Serena loves me Bass; we always have a few bumps along the road but we always come back to each other. It's a law of nature" Carter countered with a proud smile on his lips.

"You have no one to turn to and with the news no one will be a fool to give you a job. You have nowhere to go and all I have to do is wait for you to mess things up and leave."

"You'll be sorely disappointed." Carter grinned. He placed the glass on the desk. "Excellent choice." He turned and walked towards the door. "I know things too, Bass. You better watch out" he said before leaving.

* * *

Carter came home to see Serena lying on the sofa, her face hidden behind a book. He watched her for a moment, the way the light of the sun reflected on her hair, making it shimmer like gold. He cleared his throat to make his presence known and walked to her. She let the book fall to her side and sat staring at him.

"Hey" he said sitting next to her and kissing her lips.

"Where have you been? You didn't answer my calls. What about the "no more lies, no more hiding?"

"I didn't lie to you. I went to see the person I knew was behind this. I wasn't wrong."

"So?" Serena was impatient and she was not going to wait for an answer.

"I've been thinking how to say this to you, but there's no gentle way. Chuck is behind the leaks to the press."

Frowning in confusion, Serena looked at him momentarily speechless. "How do you know it's him? Why would he do that?" she finally spoke.

"It's something he would do; I went to confront him and he didn't deny it. I've known Chuck for years, it's not hard to think like him, he had a good teacher after all", he chuckled.

"I can't believe he would do something like this! Let me talk to him. I need to know why he did this and he'll have to do something to fix this."

"Serena, don't bother. The damage is done and this only proves that I can't trust anyone and I have to do things my way."

Serena sighed. "We can trust grandma; she has always liked you and she knows you can do it if you want…"

"It's too much to be here under everybody's scrutiny, everybody waiting for me to screw things up. I'll prove them, but my way. Hey, I don't want you to worry; we have more important issues to deal with now." His lips curved up in a sweet smile, as he picked the book that she had been reading.

He had never thought that he would be here at this stage of his life, expecting a baby with her. But it felt right. "Looking for a boy's or a girl's name?"

"I just… No, that's not true. I want a boy."

"Really? Why?"

She smiled softly at him. "I have this idea of you and him playing together, I want to see…" she stopped for a moment, as if she was about to reveal too much.

"What? What were you going to say?"

Her arms went around him and she cuddled into him. "I want us to do the right thing, I look back and I see that none of us had the best chance at being functional and responsible. Maybe that's why we've always looked after one another."

"Serena, I admit that sometimes my motives were partially selfish because you've always been my weakness, but this time I promise you that you'll never regret the decision that we made. I just want you to trust me; you have to because I have no one else."

This sudden showing of vulnerability made her heart skip a beat. This was the Carter that no one else but her knew. The Carter that let her come close and see all the imperfections known to the world, but also the other sides of him: the trusted and selfless friend, the caring and gentle lover.

She leaned in to nuzzle her nose against his and stroked his hair. "Oh, Carter…I've always trusted you even when you didn't. You've always been there for me since the very first day we met, selfishly or not."

"I have. And I would have been there with you if I had known. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh, you're here now", she silenced him with a gentle touch of her lips on his. Carter kissed her back, slow at first, then deeper and more urgent.  
When the need for air made them pull apart, Carter took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes with the same certainty of the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

"I know that you're scared that I'll be another William in your life." At the mention of her father's name, Serena tensed in his arms, but Carter held her even tighter against his chest. "I've always come back to you, but I've always left too, but not this time Serena. What Chuck did was only the prelude of things to come, but it also gave me the final push that I needed to fight for me, for us; no more excuses, no more running away."

"If your fixation on Chuck was what you needed, then I'm glad he did what he did because I don't care what people will say or write about you and us."

He looked at her for a long moment, one corner of his lips tugging upward. "So, in the end your brother is the hero?"

She sighed deeply. "You're obsessed with Chuck, aren't you? Have you noticed that you two are in a similar position? Bart didn't believe in Chuck, your father doesn't trust you, yet you both want to prove them and everybody wrong, you want to prove that you're more than what people think of you."

"Are you suggesting that we should bond over our daddy issues?" he laughed lightly.

"I just think you're both being so childish. But I won't forgive Chuck, I'm going to talk to him and he'll have to apologize to both of us."

"It wouldn't mean anything to me. Besides, I would probably do the same if it meant protecting you…We both want the best for you; only for him the best for you is to see me packing…"

"Maybe he's right…"

"Thank you for making me feel better", he said in a low voice shaking his head. "But I'm not going to run if it's what you've been thinking."

"No, Carter, he's right. We should pack, both of us. Grandma could get you a position abroad; yes, we need her and you better accept that. But it would be just the two of us and the baby."

Carter glared at her. "What about your family? You would miss a lot of their lives. What about your plans?"

"I love you, Carter, but I wouldn't be ready to uproot us if I didn't know that we can do it, that you can do it. And what plans? And my family… we can always visit, they can visit us. It won't be forever, just for a few years until you get started and I decide what I want to do."

They maintained eye contact for a few moments, challenging each other to look away, until Serena offered him a cat like smile that she knew was both daring and endearing. "This could be good; we would have no one telling us what we should or shouldn't do. It would be like starting over in a new place, just us. C'mon Carter…"

"Would you really like to do this? Would you go with me?"

Strangely Carter went back to the day he woke up alone in a bed in Santorini to find out that Serena had disappeared. What he was feeling now was the antithesis of abandonment though, it was the realization that she was truly offering him and them the home that both had been craving for so long.

"Of course! We could travel when you were not busy and I could try to find an occupation too. It would be awesome!"

"But you wouldn't have your family and friends around…" he offered her one last chance to back down.

"But I would have you. And soon we'll have our baby…"  
He smiled at her and lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles, his lips barely touching her skin. "I love you Serena van der Woodsen. I'll everything for you."

"Liar, you just want to get out of here." They looked into each other's eyes and laughed.

* * *

The day they left New York, hands tightly linked, Carter took one last look at the headlines of the morning papers perched on the newsstands "Heir of Bass industries faces secret society scandal" and he felt like he was closing a chapter of his life. He smirked and squeezed Serena's hand even tighter. It was a last-hurrah for Carter Baizen, the master was still good enough for the apprentice.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

He saw a man dressed comfortably in a black tuxedo; the chiseled face framed by the smooth cut short hair, his ice blue eyes scanned for something different; something that could tell him he was a different person. After his errant years, he had matured into a man he was proud of: he was a husband, a father and he was working hard to prove to everybody that Carter Baizen was no longer synonymous with deceit and scam. He turned abruptly and paced the room, fingers rubbing his chin. He couldn't figure out why he was so nervous. He told himself it was a Christmas party exactly like every year. Well, maybe not exactly. He could still remember all the Christmases he had spent alone in some distant places. But that had changed the day he received the most stunning news of his life, that he would become a father. Why was he feeling so anxious and worried then? Hearing a distant laugh and a shriek for "Mommy," he remembered he knew exactly why. Tonight for the first time he would be taking his family to spend Christmas with his side of the family, the Baizens. That meant being in the same room as his father, the man that was making him work hard for his trust. He didn't even want his approval and respect if it wasn't for his family: Serena, Hunter and Connor, his two sons. For them he wanted to make amends. He was giving his best but he was slowly finding it very hard to continue pretending he would succeed anytime soon.

Carter tried to calm his clenched muscles. He rubbed his face with his hands and stretched his neck then arms. He heard Hunter yell for him, asking if he was ready or not. He smiled and moved to leave the bathroom, but he didn't get past the room when Serena stepped into the doorway, gazing adoringly at him.

Carter stopped shortly and looked her up and down, examining every aspect of her features. As normal, she looked radiant, beautifully adorned in a form-fitting black halter dress.

Carter smirked and thought that his day had just gotten better.

"The picture doesn't get any better the longer you look at it."

Carter walked to her, his hands wrapped around her waist to bring her closer to him. "I think it very much does. She gets more beautiful every day I see her lovely face."

Serena blushed like she always did when he talked to her like that, hiding her face with her hair. "Carter…" she whispered.

Carter lifted her head up and slowly drew her lips to his and captured them in a soft kiss. He moved, pulling her with him and pressed her against the wall, pinning her.

"Do you…think we…could…you know...before we go?" Carter panted through kisses on her lips.

She shook her head and gasped as Carter's hand slowly began to slide down lower into her dress. "Hunter…Connor..."

Almost unwillingly, Serena pushed Carter off of her: "I'll make it up to you tonight, I promise", she murmured.

Carter stared down at her. "I won't let you forget."

"Tonight."

Carter swept past her, grasping her hand to lead her into the hall that led to the living room where Hunter was waiting patiently, staring at his untied shoes. He looked up as his parents entered the room. Carter released Serena's hand and kneeled in front of son.

"What do we have here?" he asked.

"I can't remember how to tie my shoes."

"Well, that's okay. Daddy will teach you. Tell you what, I'm going to tie these since we are already late, but tomorrow, you and me, we're going to tie these shoes together. Okay?"

Hunter smiled and nodded his head. Carter quickly tied the shoes then scooped Hunter up in his arms, supporting him.

"Is Connor ready" he asked looking at Serena.

"We're ready to go. He's sleeping in his stroller."

Once in the elevator that would carry them down to the lobby, Carter set Hunter down and the young boy talked excitedly with the porter about the model airplanes he had built. Serena watched amused as her son invited the porter to play with him when he returned home. She eased closer to Carter and looped her pinkie with his. He glanced at her and secured their two fingers together.

***

"Ah, man! Look at this traffic." Carter shouted, running his hand over his face. It was late afternoon and they were being driven to his parents' house.

"Carter, we're going to be a little later than we expected, but it's not the end of the world... Call your mother and tell her what's going on."

He dug out his cell phone and searched for the number of his parent's house. He waited as the other line rang before a woman answered with a cheery hello.

"Mom, hey, it's Carter."

"Carter! Darling, where are you? You're late." Abigail Baizen said.

"Sorry Mom. The traffic is impossible. We'll be there as soon as possible."

"Okay, you better. I want to see my grandsons."

"Oh thanks, Mom. It's nice to know your own son is not the one you want to see." Carter joked with a chuckle.

"Carter, I love you too. I miss all of you. We have to talk about you coming back to New York." Abigail smiled.

"We'll talk later Mom. We'll be there in no time."

Carter clicked the phone off and smiled over at his family. Hunter was playfully messing with his mother's cell phone, while Serena was trying to calm Hunter down as he was pulling her hair. It still amazed him that he and Serena had finally come together and were building a life together.

He suddenly realized Serena was gazing at him. He placed a hand on her left cheek and kissed her lovingly. He pulled away beaming and she licked her lips. "What was that for?"

Carter shrugged. "Just because I should never stop kissing you."

They kissed again. A little voice broke the kiss. "Eww, daddy's kissing mommy!" Hunter screamed.

"Daddy's gonna kiss you too! Come here kid!"

Hunter squealed as Carter made kissing noises, and started tickling him and he erupted in laughs and screams.

The remainder of the ride was held in a joyful talk. As they were finally in front of the door of the Baizen penthouse, Serena cuddled close to Carter and whispered "I love you, everything will be all right" before the front door swung open and Isabella Carter opened the door.

"Brother!" Isabella shouted. "Finally! Merry Christmas! I was beginning to think you had let the old man get to you."

"It was an option, yes, Merry Christmas to you too", Carter led Serena who was holding Connor and Hunter inside and hugged his sister warmly.

"I'm glad you're here Carter. Seriously, you two have to stop this. It's breaking Mom's heart; she wants to be a part of your life."

"She is a part of our life, she spent two weeks with us three months ago", Carter talked while helping Serena out of her jacket, then giving it to the maiden behind him.

"Serena! You look ravishing." Isabella kissed Serena while looking her up and down. "Ah, my baby Connor. Give him to me."

Serena handed her Connor. Carter felt Hunter tug on his pant pocket. "Is Sophie here?"

Carter smiled: "Sophie? Yes, I think she is running around somewhere."

"Daddy, can I go find her?" Hunter stared up at his father. "Sure. But first go and find Grandma and Grandpa and give them a kiss", Carter said as Hunter ran off through the crowd.

Carter watched his son then looked back and Isabella was gone, replaced by his mother walking down the hall. "Carter! Serena! Merry Christmas my dear."

"Hey Mom. Merry Christmas." Carter warmly enveloped his mother. "How are you?"

"Fantastic." Abigail's eyes fell on Serena, beaming and radiating confidence. "Serena!"

"Evening Abigail. Merry Christmas."

The two women hugged. "So, what happened? Carter said it was the traffic."

"Yeah." Serena confirmed, nodding and looking at Carter. "You know, and there was someone who took a long time before he was ready to come... Then the traffic..."

"Ah, Carter, have you noticed you're stubborn like him? But today promise me you'll leave the quarrels, the business for another day, will you? Now, where are my grandsons?"

"Hunter went looking for Sophie and Isabelle took Connor", Serena replied.

"I'm going to find Dad" Carter said without answering to his mother. Before he hurried off to where he saw his father, he kissed Serena.

Blushing, Serena watched him walk and she prayed this night would end well. Abigail glanced in between Carter and Serena. She reached out and grabbed Serena's arm. "Let them talk; let's go and find my boys." She led Serena to the living room.

Serena could still hear Carter when he said: "Hello father. How are you?"


End file.
